By Han Bin, Germany
“Your child is diagnosed with juvenile depression. Now she should stop going to school and recuperate for a time.” The doctor’s words stupefied me like a slap in the face. Looking at Xiaoyu nestling in my arms, I suddenly felt guilty and sad, tears of remorse rolling down my face …
When I was young, to reduce the burden of my family, I stepped into society to work after graduating from middle school. During many years of struggle, I had been looked down upon and eaten a bellyful of pain because of my poor education. So after I got married and gave birth to my daughter Xiaoyu, I secretly resolved in my heart: I must let my child study more so that she can go to a top university. Only with knowledge and a degree can she have a future and be looked up to by others. I must not let her live her life like me.
Xiaoyu was very obedient and sensible when she was little and my relatives and friends all praised her for being clever, for which I had higher expectations of her. When Xiaoyu was just four years old, I began to send her to the nursery school. At that time, I ran a shop and every day I didn’t close it until very late. But no matter how busy and tired I was, I didn’t relax Xiaoyu’s study. Apart from supervising her finishing the homework, I would give her some extra exercises. Xiaoyu often said, “Mom, I’ve finished my homework. Could I play for a while?” Seeing her longing eyes, I agreed to her request. But just after a short while, I would ask her to prepare her lessons for the next day. Xiaoyu was also very competitive and she did very well in study from nursery to primary school. Every time when I saw those awards on the wall, I thought, “If Xiaoyu continues like this, she will certainly test into a good university and have good prospects.”
In a blink of an eye, Xiaoyu graduated from primary school. In order to send her to the best middle school in our city, my husband and I racked our brains to pull strings and give gifts. Finally, my heartfelt wish came true when my daughter entered the experimental middle school, which was the best in teaching quality and superior in all aspects.
Because of the school’s strict teaching and teachers’ high demands of students, my child had to study very late every day, which was what I was hoping. I thought to myself, “Having received such good education, Xiaoyu will certainly test into a good university.” I often encouraged my daughter, saying, “Xiaoyu, you must study hard and be somebody in the future.”
But contrary to my expectations, children of the wealthy families in Xiaoyu’s class, who didn’t pay attention to study but compared with others in dining and clothing, greatly influenced Xiaoyu both in her life and study. In the face of such a situation, I was so worried about her study that I often went to her school to keep track of her study and educate her. Once, my daughter said one of her roommates only ate snacks without having any meal for a week. From her words, I knew she wanted more pocket money and then I angrily scolded her, “You haven’t improved your grades but have learned to ask for money in a roundabout way. …” After a severe scolding, I continued to say, “Xiaoyu, you must study hard, and can’t let yourself be distracted. You must make a study plan for yourself and lay a firm foundation in middle school. Our hope rests on you.” Scolded and pressured by me, my daughter said in tears, “Mom, I can’t stand you.” Gradually, she spoke heart-to-heart with me less and less and became distant toward me.
Later, I found Xiaoyu became idle in study and did less homework, and always looked very tired. I thought, “Maybe it results from the high pressure of her study. After all, Xiaoyu studies very late every day. Does she lack energy? I need to give her more nutrition.” So every time she returned home from school, I would cook her favorite food and buy various kinds of brain food for her. But when it was time to go back to school, she always dilly-dallied and was unwilling to leave. Seeing this, I felt anxious and nagged her, “Xiaoyu, be obedient. Remember that you are the hope of our family. You must study hard. Only by testing into university can you have a bright future …” Before I finished my words, Xiaoyu stormed off without a backward glance.
Xiaoyu’s exam result of the first midterm was quite contrary to my expectations. Among the seventy-two students in the whole class, she was actually ranked twenty-first. The more I looked at her report card, the more I felt annoyed. Then I shouted at her, “Xiaoyu, you exasperate me! Look at your academic performance. With such grades, you can’t enter the key high school, much less the university. What future will you have? Are you worthy of us? To send you to this school, your dad and I have spent much money. Everything we do is for you and we don’t hope you live your life like us. Where is your conscience?” Faced with my scolding, Xiaoyu stood there, sniffling quietly without saying any word. And then she locked herself in her room and even didn’t have dinner. Seeing her like this, I felt very sad. But then I thought, “What I do is for your own good. How can you have a future without working hard for it now? Just as the saying goes, ‘The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all,’ ‘No pain, no gain.’ You should understand me.”
When Xiaoyu was in eighth grade, one time, I went to attend the parent-teacher conference. After the conference, the head teacher talked with me alone about Xiaoyu’s recent behavior, saying, “Xiaoyu has been in a poor mental state. She often dozes off in class and can’t finish the homework on time. What’s more, she seldom communicates with her classmates. So you’d better take her to see a doctor.” Hearing this, I felt very anxious, thinking, “Why did my daughter become like this?” Then I hurried to take her to the hospital for an examination. Unexpectedly, my daughter was diagnosed with juvenile depression and the doctor said she needed to stop going to school to recuperate. Such a result was difficult for me to accept. I felt stupefied, as if I was hit by someone with a club. I asked the doctor, puzzled, “Doctor, why did my daughter become like this? She is now in middle school, and how could she stop going to school?” The doctor replied, “Calm down, please. Actually, the child’s illness results from great pressure. So at present, Xiaoyu needs to stop going to school to recuperate. Considering Xiaoyu’s illness, she still needs to be under observation.” Looking at Xiaoyu nestling in my arms, I suddenly felt guilty and sad, tears of remorse rolling down my face. I stroked Xiaoyu’s head, saying, “It’s all my fault. I haven’t taken good care of you, nor considered your feelings. All I know is to urge you to study hard. But you have to understand me. All I do is for your sake, so that you’ll have a good future.”
To let my daughter get better as soon as possible and not put off her study, every day I took good care of her on the doctor’s advice. When Xiaoyu got slightly better, I began to think, “These days, Xiaoyu has missed many classes. If she goes to school after completely recovering her health, she will hardly keep up with her studies, and then she won’t be able to test into a key university. For her prospects, I can’t give up her study.” Then I engaged a tutor without consulting my daughter. That day, when the tutor came, Xiaoyu had a strong reaction and shouted at me, “Mom, why don’t you confer with me in advance? Since the doctor has asked me to have a good rest, why do you still compel me? I don’t want to study anything now.” I angrily said, “Xiaoyu, I do this for your own good. Even if you don’t show consideration for us, you should think of yourself. You have missed many classes, yet how come you don’t feel anxious at all? Do you want to live a hard and tiring life and be looked down upon by others like us? You can’t be unmotivated.” Xiaoyu impatiently said, “I’m very tired now. I just want some time for myself. Since I was little, I have been hearing your endless nagging, ‘Work hard. Study hard.’ Mom, I’m really very tired.” Hearing her words, I felt very wronged, tears flowing down. I thought, “I do this all for your good, hoping that you can lead a better life, yet you don’t understand me at all.” At that time, faced with my sick daughter, I really didn’t know what to do.
In September of the same year, my husband and I accepted God’s kingdom gospel. I often attended gatherings and prayed in front of God about my predicament. Later, I saw in God’s words: “When it comes time for people to raise the next generation, they will project all their unrealized desires in the first half of their lives onto their descendants, hoping that their offspring will make up for all the disappointments they experienced in the first half of their lives. … hoping that their offspring can help them achieve their dreams and realize their desires; that their daughters and sons will bring glory to the family name, become important, rich, or famous; in short, they want to see their children’s fortunes soar.”
God’s words accurately revealed my condition: Having not realized my dream of living a decent and honorable life and towering above others, I pinned my hope onto my daughter, hoping that she could rise above others and bring glory to our ancestors. So I continually put pressure on her. For my child’s future, I racked my brains and took great pains. All along, I personally thought I loved my daughter and cared for her future; but actually, I just wanted to satisfy my own selfish desires, hoping that my daughter would finish the dream I couldn’t fulfill myself and make up for my regrets. Without God’s revelation, I wouldn’t have known that my love for my daughter was mixed with my own selfish desires.
One day, I saw these words of God: “Is hoping that their children can all become the cream of the crop the right viewpoint to have? People all hope that their children can be successful. Everyone hopes their children can go to a famous university, then take up advanced studies, earn a degree, and afterward stand out among others and gain a firm foothold in society. People all have this viewpoint and all want their children to pursue higher education because of the saying: ‘The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all.’ Furthermore, competition in this modern society is especially intense. If they don’t have a university degree or have a firm foothold in society, making a living becomes a problem in the future. This is everybody’s thinking and point of view. That is, what you learn and what kind of educational background you can achieve will decide your livelihood, your future. In other words, people intend to rely on this thing to survive throughout life, and they see it as especially important. That’s why everyone sees receiving a high-level education and getting into a top university as the number one most important thing for their children. In reality, these things and education and knowledge accepted by people, these contents and ideas, all go against God and the truth, and are loathed by God and condemned by God.”
God’s words made me come to my senses. Influenced by these ideas and viewpoints, such as “The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all,” “Everyone hopes their children become the cream of the crop,” “Knowledge can change one’s fate” etc., I believed that: To have a stable footing in society, be looked up to by others, and have good prospects, one must have a high diploma, or he will be inferior and looked down upon by others. So, I devoted all my efforts to nurturing my daughter. I pulled strings and gave gifts to send her to the best middle schoolrelation, and forced her to study, thinking what I had done was proper. Unexpectedly, under high-pressure education, not only did my child not achieve good results, but she got more and more self-abased and depressed and eventually suffered from depression. But I, tightly constrained by these ideas and viewpoints of Satan, still forced her to study before she fully recovered As a result, she felt extremely dissatisfied with me. At last, I not only felt physically and mentally exhausted, but my daughter also lived in unbearable pain, and we became estranged from each other. Wasn’t this all Satan’s harm? Now I realized that the reason why we suffered these pains was because I didn’t understand the truth and didn’t know the means and ways Satan used to corrupt us. Through the revelation of God’s words, I came to know Satan’s affliction on us and then made up my mind that I would no longer live by Satan’s ideas and viewpoints.
After taking half a year off of school, Xiaoyu recovered. She wanted to study at the school near our home and I agreed. But I still often worried about her future, thinking, “Xiaoyu must still have a degree. Without it, she will be inferior and have difficulty in finding a job, and she may have to do hard work like me in the future. I can’t let that happen.” Driven by the thought, whenever I had the opportunity, I would get in touch with those highly educated people: During Chinese New Year and other holidays, I would go to visit them with Xiaoyu, hoping that they could help Xiaoyu improve her academic performance. Later, Xiaoyu seemed to read my mind and began to make excuses to get out of visiting these people, and she reminded me, “Mom, I’ve grown up. You can’t take care of me forever, can you? Aren’t you tired?” But I didn’t pay attention to her words and replied, “What do you know? I do this for your good.”
Once, it was the birthday of the child of a high school teacher whom I got acquainted with not long ago. I bought a birthday cake and planned to take Xiaoyu to attend the birthday party. Unexpectedly, Xiaoyu sprained her ankle in the PE class that day and couldn’t walk. The doctor said that she needed to have a rest at home for at least one week. At that time, my husband reminded me, “There’s God’s will in the thing we encountered.” Hearing his words, I thought to myself, “Right! Why did my daughter sprain her ankle today?” Immediately, I prayed to God and sought His will.
Then I saw God’s words saying: “There will always be some distance between one’s dreams and the realities that one must confront; things are never as one would like them to be, and faced with such realities people can never achieve satisfaction or contentment. Some people will even go to any length imaginable, will put forth great efforts and make great sacrifices for the sake of their livelihoods and future, in attempt to change their own fate. But in the end, even if they can realize their dreams and desires by means of their own hard work, they can never change their fates, and no matter how doggedly they try they can never exceed what destiny has allotted them. Regardless of differences in ability, IQ, and willpower, people are all equal before fate, which makes no distinction between the great and the small, the high and the low, the exalted and the mean. What occupation one pursues, what one does for a living, and how much wealth one amasses in life are not decided by one’s parents, one’s talents, one’s efforts or one’s ambitions, but are predetermined by the Creator.”
Every word of God struck my numb heart, and I suddenly awakened. Although in my belief in God, I knew that our fate is controlled by the hand of God, I still wanted in vain to change my daughter’s fate relying on my own abilities and efforts because Satan’s erroneous ideas and viewpoints had been deeply rooted in me. To improve my daughter’s grades, I tried to build a good relationship with the teacher through pleasing her, hoping that she could pay more attention to my daughter’s study. In attempt to change my daughter’s fate, I put forth great efforts and struggled painfully. I was too foolish and ignorant and didn’t understand the truth at all. In fact, what occupations we pursue and how much wealth we amass in life have nothing to do with our knowledge, our talents, or our efforts, but are dominated and predetermined by God. Look at the people around me: Some tested into colleges and possess high degrees but still couldn’t find a job, while some are not cultured but live a rich life. It can be seen that our fate and prospects are not determined by knowledge but are dominated by God. Thinking of this, I knelt to the ground and prayed to God, “Oh God! I am too disobedient. In educating my daughter, I still arranged everything for her and never sought Your will. Oh God! Thank You for arranging this thing to let me come before You to reflect on myself. I can’t even control my own fate and yet I want to control my daughter’s. I’m too arrogant. Oh God! I’m willing to put myself aside, entrust my daughter to You, and obey Your mastery and arrangements.”
Later, I often prayed to entrust Xiaoyu to God and was willing to obey God’s orchestration and arrangements. I no longer forced Xiaoyu to study but helped and cared her more, allowing her to plan out her own life and providing her with a healthy and good environment to grow up in. When I practiced in this way, I gained a kind of relaxation that I had never experienced before in my heart. Gradually, my relationship with Xiaoyu became better and she was willing to speak the words from her heart to me.
One day after school, upon finishing dinner, Xiaoyu entered her room to do homework. It was almost ten o’clock, yet she didn’t come out from her room. So I went to her room to check if everything was okay, only to find her reading a story book, and her homework undone. The moment she saw me, she hurriedly hid the book behind her with embarrassment and lowered her head, not daring to see me. Seeing this, I felt my anger rose immediately and wanted to teach her a lesson. Just when I was about to speak, I suddenly thought, “No, I can’t treat Xiaoyu as I did before.” Immediately, I prayed in my heart silently, “Oh God! I don’t want to live by corrupt dispositions, but I can’t control myself. Please protect my heart so that I can quiet before You and act in accordance with Your will.” After prayer, my heart was slowly calmed. I returned to my room and saw God’s words saying: “Besides birth and childrearing, the parents’ responsibility in a child’s life is simply to provide him or her with a formal environment to grow up in, for nothing except the predestination of the Creator has a bearing on a person’s fate. No one can control what kind of future a person will have; it is predetermined long in advance, and not even one’s parents can change one’s fate. As far as fate is concerned, everyone is independent, and everyone has his or her own fate. So no one’s parents can stave off one’s fate in life or exert the slightest influence on the role one plays in life. … In other words, no other objective conditions can influence the mission of a person, which is predestined by the Creator. All people become mature in their own particular growing-up environments, then gradually, step by step, set off down their own roads in life, fulfill the destinies planned for them by the Creator, naturally, involuntarily entering the vast sea of humanity and assuming their own posts in life, where they begin to fulfill their responsibilities as created beings for the sake of the Creator’s predestination, for the sake of His sovereignty.”
God’s words are very clear: Besides birth and childrearing, the parents’ responsibility in a child’s life is simply to provide him or her with an environment to grow up in. As for a child’s prospects and fate, they are entirely dominated and arranged by God, and parents can’t decide them. I thought of the things I had done to my daughter over these years. Not knowing God’s dominion, I always wanted to control her and change her fate through my own efforts. As a result, though I busied myself for many years, things always went contrary to my expectations. From God’s words, I saw that what path one takes and what fate one has throughout life are all orchestrated within God’s hands. Under the enlightenment and guidance of God’s words, I completely awakened: I must practice according to God’s words and can’t educate my daughter as I did before.
Then I went to Xiaoyu’s room and sat before her. Seeing Xiaoyu doing her homework with her head lowered, I asked with concern, “Xiaoyu, is there lots of homework today? Is it difficult?” After saying these words, I felt relieved. Unexpectedly, my daughter handed me the story book, saying with her head lowered, “Mom, please scold me. It’ll make me feel better.” As she said it, she wept. Seeing her like this, I got so saddened. I went up to her, sat by her side and said with my arm around her, “It’s all my fault. In order to live out my college dream, I always forced you to study without considering your feelings, making you carry a heavy burden at such a young age. I am too selfish. From now on, you just need to do your best in study. I won’t treat you as I did before. I want you to know: It’s God’s words that changed my ideas and viewpoints. It’s all the result of God’s work that I can have such a transformation.”
Hearing my words, Xiaoyu looked at me and asked in surprise, “Really? Mom, can I read God’s words?” Seeing her naive look, I smiled and said, “Of course! God’s words are truth directed at the whole mankind. God hopes that all people will come to read His words. God’s words not only can change our wrong ideas and viewpoints and make us relaxed and free, but also can change our corrupt dispositions and let us live out the likeness of man and get on well with others. If you like, we can read God’s words together in the future.” Xiaoyu said happily, “Great. I want to read God’s words.”
In the following days, I taught Xiaoyu to pray, read and fellowshiped about God’s words with her. Gradually, I found that she started to smile a lot more. Every day after coming home from school, she actively did homework and sometimes even helped me do housework. When I was not busy, she would ask me to read God’s words with her. Seeing this, I really thanked God. To my surprise, her depression unwittingly lifted. And in the final examination, she was ranked third in her class. That day, when she took the award back, her cousin teased her, “How could you get such good grades? Did you copy your classmate’s answers?” Xiaoyu said, “No, not at all. It’s because God gave me wisdom.” Then she grimaced at her brother and we all smiled.
I knew very well that it was God’s blessing that Xiaoyu could get such grades. It was Almighty God’s words that changed me, freed me from the harm of the poison “Knowledge can change one’s fate,” and reversed my wrong life views so that I could take the right path in life. Thank God! I resolved to pursue the truth properly to repay His love.
