By Wu Ming
Hearing God’s Voice in My Pain
One day in April 2015, when I was away on business, my wife suddenly called and said that our son was diagnosed with leukemia at several hospitals. Hearing this news, I immediately felt as if the sky were falling. I thought: “My son is so young and still has a long way to go. How could he have this dreadful disease?” After I went back home, it occurred to me that science was highly developed today so it could surely cure my son’s illness. Therefore, I pinned all my hopes on science—during the day I bustled about looking for a hospital with high-tech medical equipment and doctors with excellent medical skills, and at night I searched online for various related materials. I constantly thought about relying on science to treat my son. I was put under great pressure during that period and really felt very tired and painful.
Seeing how I was suffering, my wife urged me to believe in God. She said, “The fate of man lies in God’s hands. Whether our son can recover from his illness is also ruled by God. Our anxiety is useless. As long as we put our son in God’s hands and obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements, we will feel relaxed and free. Let me read some God’s words to you.” Hearing this, I thought, “His illness can only be cured through scientific medical treatment. Does believing in God work?” Despite this doubt, I wanted to listen. At this time, my wife read, “Mankind simply does not know who the Sovereign of the universe and all things is, much less the beginning and future of mankind. Mankind merely lives, perforce, amidst this law. None can escape it and none can change it, for among all things and in the heavens there is but One from everlasting to everlasting who holds sovereignty over everything. He is the One who has never been beheld by man, the One whom mankind has never known, in whose existence mankind has never believed—yet He is the One who blew the breath into mankind’s ancestors and gave life to mankind. He is the One who provides and nourishes mankind, allowing him to exist; and He is the One who has guided mankind up to the present day. Moreover, He and He alone is the One mankind depends on for survival. … Regardless of whether you are able to recognize God’s deeds, and regardless of whether you believe in the existence of God, there is no doubt that your fate is determined by God, and there is no doubt that God will always hold sovereignty over all things. His existence and authority are not predicated upon whether or not they are recognized and comprehended by man. Only He knows man’s past, present, and future, and only He can determine the fate of mankind.”
After reading these words, my wife said, “God’s words make it very clear. The laws of all things and mankind’s fate are all under God’s rule and predestination. How many setbacks we will encounter and how many difficulties we will suffer, as well as our life and death are all in God’s hands. Science can’t change these things, nor can anyone. Believe in God. God is the wellspring of our lives and only God is our support. We are unable to save our child. We should entrust everything to God and believe that God makes the best arrangements. If we read more of God’s words, understand the truth and see through these things, our life won’t be so miserable.”
After hearing God’s words and my wife’s fellowship, I thought of how I had been busy looking for a good hospital and consulting relevant information those last few months, believing that science could cure my son. But not only did nothing work, I ended up mentally and physically exhausted, unable to eat or sleep. Now I knew that it is God who controls my son’s life and death. So, my worry was really useless. Maybe entrusting my son to God could really give me some release. At this thought I suddenly felt not that miserable.
My state changed along with my son’s condition.
In December 2016, I began to participate in church life, where brothers and sisters patiently fellowshiped the truth to me and had me learn to rely on God and entrust my son’s illness to God’s hands. Afterward, when I learned to tell God of my difficulties in prayers, my son’s condition improved a little, which made me very happy and increased my faith in God. But my son had his good days and his bad. When his illness got worse, I began to feel awful, and especially when he needed chemotherapy, I began to waver, thinking: “I believe in God, but since science is advanced today I have to look for a best hospital and the best doctors to treat my son’s illness. This way, my son will get better.” Gradually, I started attending meetings and praying less and less, and became perfunctory in reading God’s words. When a sister learned of my situation, she fellowshiped with me, “Brother, we should be aware that it is God who bestows life upon man and it is also God who holds man’s fate. Science can only bring us temporary material enjoyment. It can’t determine our fate, much less save our lives. We should have genuine faith in God.”
After saying all this, the sister read out a passage of God’s words for me: “In the development of mankind today, the science of mankind can be said to be flourishing, and the achievements of man’s scientific exploration can be described as impressive. Man’s ability, it must be said, is growing ever greater, but there is one scientific breakthrough that mankind has been unable to make: Mankind has made airplanes, aircraft carriers, and the atomic bomb, mankind has gone into space, walked on the moon, invented the Internet, and come to live a hi-tech lifestyle, yet mankind is incapable of creating a living, breathing thing. The instincts of every living creature and the laws by which they live, and the cycle of life and death of every kind of living thing—all these are beyond the power of mankind’s science, and cannot be controlled by it. At this point, it must be said that no matter what great heights are attained by the science of man, it is incomparable to any of the thoughts of the Creator, and is incapable of discerning the miraculousness of the Creator’s creation and the might of His authority.” She also read a passage of Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life, “No one can change God’s authority. Besides, no science can explain it. Doesn’t this reflect one aspect of God’s authority? Some people are extremely healthy and the test results show that there are no issues, yet they suddenly contract cancer and die. Some people are very weak and delicate, yet they live 80 or 90 years. How to explain this? Is this in line with natural laws? This is the embodiment of one aspect of God’s authority. Everything is down to God’s predestination, and no one can change it.”
From God’s words and this sermon, I understood that, no matter how flourishing science is, it is incomparable to God’s sovereignty. Through relying on science, mankind is unable to create any living thing, let alone control its own fate. Nowadays, science is indeed highly developed, and the hospital has many highly-skilled doctors and advanced medical equipment, yet there are still many people who die of incurable diseases every day. What does this show? This reminded me of a report on Chinese health. It revealed that every 30 seconds a person gets cancer, every 30 seconds a person comes down with diabetes, and every 30 seconds at least a person dies of cardiovascular and cerebrovascular disease. The report also stated that 22 percent of the middle-aged Chinese die from cardiovascular and cerebrovascular disease, the proportion of the subhealthy white-collar workers is 76%, the prevalence rate of chronic disease is 20%, and chronic disease deaths account for 83% of the death toll. … Could it be that those tortured by diseases have no money for treatment? Could it be that science isn’t developed enough? Absolutely not! This is sufficient to show that science, medical skill, and money can’t save man from the torture of disease, and that man’s life and death as well as man’s destiny can’t be controlled by science but are ruled by God.
In this experience I saw that I had been deeply corrupted by Satan. Ever since I was little, I had been subject to and influenced by the country’s education, and so the idea of scientific development had been rooted deep in my heart. As a result, I had been venerating science the last few decades, and looking at everything from the perspective of science, and I believed that science could solve all problems. Though I believed in God, I still worshiped science, and even saw it as higher than God, having no place for God at all in my heart. After my son fell sick, when I sincerely depended on God at first, I saw God’s deeds. But later when I saw his condition was not stable, I lost my faith to rely on God, and even became less active in attending meetings and reading God’s words; I still believed in science, and thought that science and doctors could cure man’s illness. However, I ended up seeing no improvement in my son’s condition. Yet God didn’t remember my foolishness and ignorance, neither did He abandon me because of my weakness. Through the sister’s fellowship on God’s words, God allowed me to see that only He can save people while science can’t. I should let go of my wrong views, learn to rely on God, entrust God completely with my son’s illness, and obey God’s sovereignty. If my faith in God is always only in words and I don’t rely on God when encountering things, then how could I consider myself to truly believe in God? After coming to this realization, I began to go to meetings regularly. Through reading God’s words, I experienced that God’s words are indeed the truth and that only by coming before God could I feel secure and calm.
Sincerely Praying to God in Despair, Seeing a Miracle
On July 9, 2017, my son was hospitalized again for chemotherapy. After using chemicals, my son couldn’t keep anything down, unable to take any food at all. The torture of illness left my son listless and dizzy, and he was losing hair severely. Seeing my son in agony made me very painful, and I really wished to take his place. After taking care of him for a week, I really couldn’t bear seeing my son being racked with illness, so I let my wife care for him by herself. On July 22, my wife rang me up and said, “Our son’s platelets are nearly off and there are no such platelets at this hospital.” Hearing this news, my head felt as if it was going to blow out, and I thought, “If it goes on like this, my son will die at any minute.” Then I rushed to the hospital to donate platelets for my son, yet the doctors said that I couldn’t do so due to my recent operation. In panic, I recalled a person who once provided platelets for my son. I immediately ran back home to look for his phone number, yet I drew a blank. In my urgency, I turned to my friends and relatives for help, and ran around to look for a person who could provide platelets for my son. However, some were unwilling to do so, and some didn’t have the same blood type as my son’s. This caused me to feel anxious and afraid with no inclination to eat, and I constantly worried that my son’s illness couldn’t be cured. I spent the whole night in torment …
The next day, it suddenly occurred to me that no human can be in charge of man’s life and death and they are all controlled by God. It’s true. I should entrust my son into God’s hands and sincerely rely on Him. Thus, I constantly prayed to God, “O God, my son’s life is in danger and I fail to find a suitable donor. I’m very afraid. God, my son’s life was bestowed by You. I’m willing to entrust his illness to You. Whether he lives or dies is determined by You. I wish to obey Your sovereignty and arrangements. Please protect my heart so I can stand firm in this situation.” After praying, I no longer felt that painful and frightened, and I believed that everything is in God’s hands. The following day, my child looked much better. After examinations, the doctor said that my son’s platelets were gradually increasing, which showed that my son was saved. This brought much joy to my wife and me. I knew clearly in my heart that God had heard my prayers and that my son’s condition turning better was God’s deeds. What was more unexpected was that, two days later the doctor told us that my son could be discharged. This immediately flooded me with emotions to the point that I didn’t know how to thank God. I truly saw that our destiny is in God’s hands, that God can turn nothing into something and something into nothing. God is truly almighty and miraculous! This fulfilled precisely the words of God, “Any and all things, whether living or dead, will shift, change, renew, and disappear in accordance with God’s thoughts. Such is the way in which God presides over all things.” When my son was afflicted by illness, science and high medical skills had been found sorely wanting; when I turned my wrong views around and sincerely prayed to God, I saw that everything is in God’s hands and that only God is my strong support. This experience enabled me to see God’s mightiness and authority. I felt from the bottom of my heart that relying on God is my only way out.
Those who know God’s authority and accept God’s sovereignty are wise people.
Afterward, I read the following passage of God’s words, “When you look squarely at God’s authority, when you accept His sovereignty, you will gradually come to realize and understand the truth of the existence of God’s authority. But if you never recognize God’s authority and never accept His sovereignty, then no matter how many years you live, you will not gain the slightest knowledge of God’s sovereignty. If you do not truly know and understand God’s authority, then when you reach the end of the road, even if you have believed in God for decades, you will have nothing to show for your life, and you will naturally not have the least knowledge of God’s sovereignty over human fate. Is this not a very sad thing? So, no matter how far you have walked in life, no matter how old you are now, no matter how long the rest of your journey may be, first you must recognize God’s authority and take it seriously, and accept the fact that God is your unique Master.”
God’s words allowed me to realize that if we believe in God but don’t know God’s sovereignty, then we will be unable to truly see God’s authority, and that if we keep believing in this manner, our belief will be in vain and devoid of all meaning and value. Thinking back, when faced with my son’s illness, because I had no knowledge of God’s sovereignty and authority, I would rely on and believe in science rather than depend on God, thereby living in unbearable pain. Contrary to my expectations, however, when I had no one and nowhere to turn to, through sincerely praying to God I witnessed God’s deeds, and my child’s platelet counts were elevated. This experience gave me a true appreciation that God’s authority truly exists, that it’s even more so of a fact that God rules over man’s fate, and that no man can rule himself. Only by submitting to God’s orchestrations and arrangements can we be truly wise.
From then on, no matter how busy my business was, I persisted in praying to God every day, and I frequently read God’s words and sang God’s praises with brothers and sisters. Living like this felt much more relaxed and put my heart at ease. I was no longer suffering over my son’s illness, and I sincerely handed him over to God. No matter how his condition developed and no matter what would become of his illness, I was willing to accept and obey God’s sovereignty. After I made this resolve before God, I saw that my son’s condition was improving—he could eat normally and was looking better and better every day. My heart felt liberated and my faith in God grew. I was determined to pursue the truth diligently and walk the right path of life.
