By Siyin, Myanmar
July 12th, 2018. Overcast.
Today was the fifth day of my daughter’s hospitalization. At 2 p.m., my daughter started having a frequent cough. When I came to her sickbed, I found her lips black, her whole body trembling and a little cyanotic, and her head and body burning like fire. This freaked me out and I hurried to find the doctor. When I told him about my daughter’s condition, he said to me, “If your daughter only has dengue fever, generally she will get better after three or four days of treatment. But now her lungs have been infected by bacteria and have become inflamed, and her condition is a little complicated. We’ve tried our best and our skills and equipment at this hospital are not sufficient. How about this: Let her receive drip infusions for another two days. If this still doesn’t work, then transfer her to a hospital in Thailand.”
Hearing this, I became anxious and angry, thinking: “My daughter is burning up, but you still let me wait and see. She is my lifeblood. Though she is only thirteen years old, as she has followed me in belief in God since she was little, she is very well-behaved and sensible. If something happens to her, how could I live on?” Then I informed my husband of the situation, and after discussing we decided to immediately transfer my daughter to a hospital in Thailand. But then a thought occurred to me: “It will take several hours before we get there, and my daughter is already seriously ill. What if some accident befalls her during the process?” This worried me very much and so I urgently prayed to God. After the prayer, these words of God came to my mind, “Faith is like a single log bridge: Those who cling abjectly to life will have difficulty in crossing it, but those who are ready to sacrifice themselves can pass over, sure of foot and worry-free. If man harbors timid and fearful thoughts, it is because Satan has fooled them, afraid that we will cross the bridge of faith to enter into God. Satan is trying by every way possible to send us its thoughts. We should at every moment pray for God to illuminate us with His light, at every moment rely on God to purge Satan’s poison from within us, practice within our spirit at every moment how to come close to God, and let God have dominion over our whole being.” God’s words gave me faith and strength. Yes! God is almighty and all things are in His hands. Therefore, whether my daughter’s situation would deteriorate during the process was also under God’s control. Since I believed in God and was willing to entrust my daughter to Him, I should not be of little faith in Him. At that time, under the guidance of God’s words, my worries and concerns were greatly alleviated. Then I got my daughter discharged and we set out for a hospital in Thailand.
The sky was overcast with clouds, sometimes heavy and sometimes light. After over an hour’s ride, we smoothly came to a hospital in Thailand and went through the admission procedures. Thank God for His guidance and protection! After examining my daughter, the doctor said to me, “Your daughter only has inflammation of the lungs. It’s nothing serious. She’ll get better after three or four days of treatment.” I was greatly reassured by this, letting out a long breath.
July 16, 2018. Light Rain.
I was sleepless last night. I thought of when we had first got here and of how the doctor had said that my daughter would get better after three or four days of treatment; but having passed four days, she still had a high fever and a cough almost day and night. Whenever I heard her cough violently, I felt heart-wrenching pain. Due to the torture of illness over those past few days, she became as thin as a rake. Seeing her haggard face, I felt so heartbroken that I kept shedding tears. I really wished to get the disease in her stead.
At 8 a.m., the doctor told me, “Your daughter’s condition is a little complicated. She may have a serious lung or liver illness. We’ve decided to give her a special examination to make an accurate diagnosis, and then prescribe some medicine.” Later, when a nurse took my daughter for the examination, I became nervous. On the one hand I looked forward to the test results, but on the other hand I was afraid that she had really contracted tuberculosis or hepatitis B or other incurable illnesses. At that moment, all I could do was constantly pray to God, “O God, I’m worrying whether my daughter has developed some incurable illness. She is only thirteen years old. God, I’m really afraid. Please give me faith. I can only hand everything over to You.”
July 17, 2018. Moderate rain.
Last night, the rain continued without interruption and got heavier and heavier.
When the morning shift began, the doctor walked into the ward and said to me, “The test results show that many parts of your daughter’s lungs have become white. This is an early symptom of tuberculosis. But whether she has developed this disease remains undiagnosed.” Hearing this, my heart leapt into my throat. The doctor continued, “We will do a test on one of her hands. After two or three days, if her hand only becomes red and swollen, this means that she merely has inflammation of the lungs; if her hand becomes black, this proves that she has contracted tuberculosis. If this test fails to produce a result, we’ll try another approach. But considering her condition, trying this approach is a little dangerous, so this is a last resort. Let’s wait for the test results first, and then talk about this three or four days later.”
Hearing this, I felt weak all over, thinking: “If my daughter really has tuberculosis, then it is almost the same as taking away her life. She is still so young, will she be able to live a good life in the future?” When my daughter heard that she might have tuberculosis, she cried and asked me whether she would die. At that moment, I could no longer control my emotions, then turned around and burst into tears. I felt very depressed, and couldn’t help but call out to God, “O God, on thinking that my daughter may have developed tuberculosis, I feel great pain and nearly collapse. God, what am I to do? Please give me strength and guide me….”
Afterward, I read a passage of God’s words that a sister had sent to me, “People’s faith is required when something cannot be seen by the naked eye, and your faith is required when you cannot let go of your own notions. When you do not have clarity about God’s work, what is required of you is to have faith and to take a firm stance and stand witness. When Job reached this point, God appeared to him and spoke to him. That is, it is only from within your faith that you will be able to see God, and when you have faith God will perfect you. Without faith, He cannot do this. God will bestow upon you whatever you hope to gain. If you do not have faith, then you cannot be perfected and you will be unable to see God’s actions, much less His omnipotence. When you have faith that you will see His actions in your practical experience, then God will appear to you, and He will enlighten and guide you from within. Without that faith, God will be unable to do that. If you have lost hope in God, how will you be able to experience His work? Therefore, only when you have faith and you do not harbor doubts toward God, only when you have true faith in Him no matter what He does, will He enlighten and illuminate you through your experiences, and only then will you be able to see His actions. These things are all achieved through faith. Faith comes only through refinement, and in the absence of refinement, faith cannot develop. What does this word, ‘faith,’ refer to? Faith is the genuine belief and the sincere heart that humans should possess when they cannot see or touch something, when God’s work does not align with human notions, when it is beyond human reach. This is the faith that I speak of.”
As I weighed God’s words, I understood: This thing I encountered appeared on the outside to be my daughter being ill, but, in the spiritual world, it was God testing my faith through this environment. From God’s words, it also became clear to me that, true faith means that one doesn’t lose hope in God but stands firm in one’s testimony no matter what sort of hardships befall them. Just like when Job lost his great wealth and children in his old age, had boils all over his body, and was mocked by his wife, he bore both physical and spiritual misery, but he not only didn’t complain against God at all, but praised and extolled God’s name. He stood firm and gave resounding testimony for God, as well as humiliated Satan. By contrast, my faith in God was too small. My daughter had not been diagnosed with tuberculosis, yet I could not bear this situation, and started to worry about this or that according to my notions and imaginations. As a result, I lived in pain and torment, to the point that I had no courage to live on at the thought of how something bad could happen to my daughter. I was so fragile and vulnerable, so how could I satisfy God with such stature?
Later, I saw the following passage of God’s words, “God created this world and brought man, a living being unto which He bestowed life, into it. Next, man came to have parents and kin, and was no longer alone. Ever since man first laid eyes on this material world, he was destined to exist within the ordination of God. The breath of life from God supports each and every living being throughout growth into adulthood. During this process, no one feels that man is growing up under the care of God; rather, they believe that man is doing so under the loving care of his parents, and that it is his own life instinct that directs his growing up. This is because man knows not who bestowed his life, or from whence it came, much less the way in which the instinct of life creates miracles.”
The revelation of God’s words allowed me to see a fact more clearly: God gives humans the breath of life and He also supports and controls the growth and continuance of human life. I couldn’t help thinking: “My daughter has been running a high fever for several days. Logically speaking, she is too young to withstand this, which even worries the doctors. But up to now nothing unusual has happened to her. This shows that God supports and maintains one’s life. What else is there to worry about?” Thinking of this, I understood that only God can protect and take care of people, so I entrusted my daughter’s illness to God and gradually let go of my worries.
Coming to this realization, I suddenly felt some release in my heart, and let go of my burdens and worries little by little.
July 19, 2018. Cloudy.
Today was the third day after the doctor had changed the liquid medicine for my daughter.
This afternoon, my daughter’s fever was almost gone though her cough wasn’t quite cured. Seeing that her condition improved dramatically, I silently thanked God in my heart. Besides, her hand that the doctor did the test on hadn’t become black. I started to think: “She may not have tuberculosis as her hand is only inflamed and her symptoms have decreased noticeably. However, whether she has this disease is unknown before she is re-examined tomorrow. Through my experiences over these past few days, I’ve already seen that everything God arranges for me is to increase my faith. Therefore, I mustn’t lose faith in God no matter what happens. Even if the result isn’t in line with my wishes, I must obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements, and I should not become disheartened and hopeless or misunderstand or complain about God.”
With this in mind, I felt calmer and more brightened.
July 20, 2018. Sunny.
Today, when the doctor worked the early shift, he told my daughter to have a recheck-up. Over an hour later, the doctor came with the test results in his hand and said to me, “You can relax. Your daughter doesn’t have tuberculosis and her inflammation of the lungs has been reduced. As long as she receives drip infusions for another four days, she can be discharged after that.” These words made my daughter and me extremely happy.
Thanks be to God for arranging this environment for me, and for letting me learn some lessons. I saw that I didn’t have any spiritual stature and that my faith in God was so small that I could only experience His blessings and grace, but when encountering hardships and pain, I had no place for God in my heart and lost faith in Him. After undergoing this environment, I came to appreciate that, the more we rely on God in adversity, the more we can see God’s wonderful deeds, and the more we can have faith in God. More importantly, I saw that God is very lovable: Though I was afraid and had no faith in God when facing my daughter’s condition, God sympathized with my weakness and He comforted and guided me with His words, giving me confidence so that I knew how to face this environment. I truly felt that only God is man’s reliance and that His love toward man is most real and sincere. Thank God!
