By Wu Yi, Italy
In March 2017, I looked through a message on Facebook on my phone: A patient with breast cancer died after three years of treatment. Seeing her story, I thought of my condition: I have received treatment for months. Will I have the same end as her? This message made me unable to calm down.
Not long after that, I went to the hospital for chemo. The doctor said that after discussion with the surgeons and the plastic surgeons, they had worked out an operation option for me that my whole breast had to be removed. And the doctor told me to prepare for operation. These words made me sink into pain. I have been afraid of pain since my childhood. The mastectomy must be painful. Will I die after having treatment like the patient introduced on Facebook? If I die soon, I would rather quit the operation. The doctor’s words kept echoing in my mind. After returning home, I felt so miserable, the physical discomfort after chemo and depression surrounding me. I couldn’t get out of the bed for three days and had been lying on the bed except when having meals. Seeing my distressed look, my husband read a passage of God’s word with me, “Some people like to infer and imagine, but how far can man’s imagination reach? Can it go beyond this world? Is man capable of inferring and imagining the authenticity and accuracy of God’s authority? Are the inference and imagination of man capable of allowing him to achieve a knowledge of God’s authority? Can they make man truly appreciate and submit to the authority of God? Facts prove that the inference and imagination of man are only a product of man’s intellect, and provide not the slightest help or benefit to man’s knowledge of God’s authority. … Since you cannot rely on imagination to know the authority of God, then in what way can you achieve a true knowledge of God’s authority? The way to do this is through eating and drinking the words of God, through fellowship, and through experiencing the words of God. Thus, you will have a gradual experience and verification of God’s authority and you will gain a gradual understanding and incremental knowledge of it. This is the only way to achieve the knowledge of God’s authority; there are no shortcuts. Asking you not to imagine is not the same as making you sit passively to await destruction, or stopping you from doing anything. Not using your brain to think and imagine means not using logic to infer, not using knowledge to analyze, not using science as the basis, but instead appreciating, verifying, and confirming that the God you believe in has authority, confirming that He holds sovereignty over your fate, and that His power at all times proves Him to be the true God Himself, through the words of God, through the truth, through everything that you encounter in life. This is the only way that anyone can achieve an understanding of God. … For what God has and is, and everything of God, is not hollow and empty, but real.”
Then my husband fellowshiped, “According to our imagination and inference, we guess that our condition will get worse and we will die like the patient introduced on Facebook. We are even going to quit treatment and wait for death to come. We have such thought and we intend to do so. This is because we don’t know God’s almightiness and sovereignty. We are created beings, so we are unable to control our own fate and foresee what will happen in next second. Then how can we know what will happen in the future? Everyone’s fate and lifespan are up to God. We cannot infer or judge our future condition and end based on other cancer cases and scientific knowledge, for it’s not in line with the fact of God’s sovereignty. So, we should learn to put aside our imaginations, completely give ourselves to God, truly rely on God, and experience His sovereignty in the following treatment. This is in accord with truth and God’s heart.”
After hearing God’s word and my husband’s fellowship, I realized why I usually felt miserable and wanted to give up treatment and wait for death. It was because, according to my own imagination and inference, I had always thought that I would die like my husband’s relatives with cancer and the patient on Facebook since I got cancer. Meanwhile, I understood that the inference and imagination couldn’t make me know the fact of God’s sovereignty and obey His arrangements, but only make me stray from God and live in pain. What suffering I would endure is in the hands of God; the doctor does not have the final say on it; others’ suffering is not something that I shall undergo. Only God knows what I would face and only He can rule over and control all my things. What I ought to do was have true faith in God, rely on Him more and know Him through the environment arranged by God. Then I remembered other patients with cancer: We received the same treatment, but it had less side effect on me than others and I recovered faster than them. Isn’t it all because of God’s protection? Thank God! After reading God’s word, I once more had faith to experience it and was willing to put aside my imagination to obey God’s sovereignty.
After three months of chemotherapy, the doctor gladly told me that the tumor in my breast had gotten so small and she had never seen anyone who recovered so fast and well like me; after their discussion, they said my breasts didn’t need to be resected and I just needed to have a minor operation. At that time, I shed tears with excitement and knew it was God’s love and salvation for me. When I put aside my notions and imagination and practiced according to God’s word, I saw God’s deeds. Thank God! That day when I was about to have the operation, my husband and I prayed to God and were willing to depend on Him. The operation proceeded very smoothly. When I left the hospital, the doctor said gladly, “You are really lucky. In these years I’ve never seen anyone who could recover so fast and well like you. We have removed the tumor in your body. Just remember to come back for a re-examination regularly.” I replied happily, “It’s my God that has saved me.”
God says, “Whatever your background, and whatever the journey ahead of you, no one can escape the orchestrations and arrangements of the Heaven, and no one is in control of their own destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work.” “It’s correct for you to follow after God. He won’t lead you into a ditch. Even if He hands you over to Satan, He will take responsibility for you till the end, and you must have this faith. This is the attitude a created being should have to God: ‘Even if God hands me over to Satan to be its plaything, He is still God, and I cannot change my resolution to follow Him, and I cannot change my faith in Him.’ This is the correct attitude to have.”
Indeed! Only God can dictate man’s fate. No matter what danger we meet, only God can save us. As long as we possess the true faith in God, we could get through all the difficulties in front of us. In this experience, I truly tasted that God has led me step by step and made me again have faith in fighting against cancer. When I lost hope for my life and quitted treatment, God’s word encouraged me so that I could face it bravely; when I endured the pain that the treatment brought to me, God’s love supported me, gave me strength and accompanied me through the torment of cancer; when I lost my way and decided my ending based on my conception and imagination, God didn’t give up saving me due to my stupidity and ignorance, but instead He enlightened me and guided me by His word, strengthening my faith and becoming my reliance. During this experience, I felt God’s selfless love and care. At the same time, I truly tasted that only God was my support and only He could master and control all things of me. This experience has been engraved on my mind. I sincerely offer God my gratitude and praise!
Now I have healed from the cancer. I can live and work normally. Also, I perform my duty to the best of my abilities in the church. I feel fulfilled and delighted every day. I feel so lucky to follow God and thank God for giving me a second life. So, I make up my mind: I will give my future to God, obey His arrangement, experience His work and bear witness to repay His love. All the glory be to God!
The End.
Part One: Heart’s Voice of a 26-year-old Patient With Breast Cancer: How I Built My Faith in Recovery (I)
