By Liu Wen, China
My name is Liu Wen, and I am 79 years old. In 2006, I accepted God’s work of the last days. Then I performed hosting duty in the church. With hospitality, I often received the brothers and sisters who came for gatherings and I never made complaints. Therefore, I believed I was a person who pursued the truth, and that God must accept me. But later, when I was diagnosed with advanced intestinal cancer and my life was at stake, I complained against God. Only after reflecting on myself did I realize that I had been believing in God and performing my duty for the blessings and peace from God. I was conducting a transaction with God and not truly believing in God at all. In the test of life and death, God’s words not only reversed my mistaken perspectives, but allowed me to truly witness God’s authority and great power and to experience His love and salvation for me.
With Life Hanging by a Thread, I Complained Against God
In June of 2013, I felt sort of ill and had diarrhea four or five times a day. But I thought I had a common tummy upset, and so I didn’t take it to heart. After a period of time, I began to have blood in my stool. But I thought it was caused by hemorrhoids, and still I didn’t think much of it, nor did I go to see a doctor. One day, I went to my sister’s. Seeing I was sallow and emaciated, she said apprehensively, “How come you’re so thin? The old lady opposite my house, as old as you, was in poor health for a long time, but she didn’t take it to heart. It was not until she went to hospital for an examination that she knew she had gotten intestinal cancer. The illness cost her a lot of money, but it was in vain. At last she lost her life. You are so thin; you’d better go to hospital for a whole examination as early as possible.” Warned by my sister’s words, I told my condition to my family after getting home. Then my son, daughter and son-in-law quickly took me to the municipal hospital. After the examination, the doctors admonished my family to take me to the provincial hospital as soon as possible. Hearing their words, my daughter and son were so anxious that they almost cried. They hurriedly sent me to the provincial hospital. At that time, I realized that I must be seriously ill. My heart shot upward into my throat and tears came into my eyes. I thought: “Could it be that I really got the intestinal cancer and they can’t cure it, so they asked me to another hospital? Alas!” The thought of this saddened me: If I died, wouldn’t my career of believing in God end?
That night, I was in great pain, then I became a little weak. I thought: “After I started to believe in God, I had been faithfully fulfilled my duty. How come God didn’t protect me, but allowed me to get such a serious disease instead? The more I thought, the more negative I became, until I finally fell into darkness and pain. I realized my situation wasn’t right, so I immediately came before God and prayed to Him, “O God! I encountered the illness today, and I know I shouldn’t complain to You, but I can’t overcome the pain of the flesh. I beg You to keep my heart, so that I can stand testimony for You.”
Understanding the Truth and Submitting to God’s Arrangements
After praying, I remembered God’s words, “While undergoing trials, it’s normal for people to be weak, or have negativity within them, or to lack clarity on God’s will or their path for practice. But in any case, you must have faith in God’s work, and not deny God, like Job. Although Job was weak and cursed the day of his own birth, he did not deny that all things in human life were bestowed by Jehovah, and that Jehovah is also the One to take it all away. No matter how he was tested, he maintained this belief. … When Job reached this point, God appeared to him and spoke to him. That is, it is only from within your faith that you will be able to see God, and when you have faith God will perfect you. Without faith, He cannot do this. God will bestow upon you whatever you hope to gain. If you don’t have faith, you cannot be perfected and you will be unable to see God’s actions, much less see His omnipotence. When you have faith and you can touch His actions in your practical experience, God will appear to you, and He will enlighten and guide you from within. Without that faith, God will be unable to do that. If you have lost hope in God, how will you be able to experience Him? Therefore, only when you have faith and you do not harbor doubts toward God, only when you have true faith in Him no matter what He does will He enlighten and illuminate you in your experiences, and only then will you be able to see His actions. These things are all achieved through faith, and faith is only achieved through refinement—faith cannot develop in the absence of refinement.”
From what God’s words revealed, I felt blamed in my heart. Only then did I realize my viewpoint of pursuit in belief in God was wrong all the time. My fulfilling my duty and spending were not for God, but for my personal interests—receiving blessings and grace. I believed that God would care for and protect me from diseases as long as I performed my duty well. So when the illness came upon me, I began to misunderstand and blame God for not protecting me. Then I thought of Job’s belief recorded in the Bible. In the trials of losing all his property and children and sore boils all over his body, he didn’t have the slightest complaints. Instead, he obeyed God’s orchestrations and arrangements with a heart that revered God. When his wife attacked him, he retorted, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?” (Job 2:10). Job was able to realize that whether he received good or evil was in God’s hands. He had knowledge of God’s almightiness and sovereignty, so he stood testimony for God in the trials. What about me? When I encountered the illness and suffered a little, I became weak and full of misunderstanding and blame toward God. This showed that my belief in God and performing my duty were for the purpose of receiving blessings and peace from God rather than satisfying God. When I was fine, I thanked God, while when I was ill and in danger of life, I complained to God in my heart. This type of belief of mine was just conducting transactions with God. It was deceiving God and making use of God, which was detested and loathed by God, and not approved by God. In comparison with Job’s faith and testimony, I saw I was so selfish and despicable, without conscience and reason, that I was unworthy of being saved by God. After understanding God’s will, I was willing to turn around my wrong viewpoint of belief in God which was merely for His blessings and grace and intimate Job to stand witness to God.
Five days later, the result showed that I got an advanced intestinal cancer and I was in great danger. I needed to have an operation at once. My children were so worried that they wept bitterly. My son asked the doctor, “Can she get well after the operation?” The doctor replied, “The patient is so old, and her health is so poor that the success rate is very low, so we don’t dare make this guarantee, but we’ll do our best.” My children said, “Please try your best to save her.” At that time, I felt death was approaching me, fear and helplessness overflowing my heart: Would I leave my children and the world like this forever? Thinking back, I went through untold hardships in my life for I lived in a poor family from childhood as well as after marriage. I finally had children and grandchildren. And now is the time when I should enjoy blessings. However, I’ll leave the world, and my career of believing in God will also come to an end. I’ll no longer have the opportunity to enjoy God’s word with the brothers and sisters and see the beautiful scene of the kingdom of Christ appearing on the earth. Thinking of this, I felt miserable and desolate, and couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my face. I could but call out to God: “O God! I’m passive and weak when encountering such illness, fearing that I would die. O God! Please give me faith and strength, so that I won’t be bound by death, and instead be able to submit to Your sovereignty and arrangements.”
After praying, I felt a bit calmer. Then I thought of God’s words, “Almighty God, the Head of all things, wields His kingly power from His throne. He rules over the universe and all things and He is guiding us on the whole earth. … Almighty God is an all-powerful physician! To dwell in sickness is to be sick, but to dwell in the spirit is to be well. If you have but one breath, God will not let you die.” God’s words gave me faith and strength. My life and death are in God’s hands. If God doesn’t let me die, no one can take my life. If God permits me to die, there is His will in this matter. Although I can’t see through it, I should obey His orchestrations and arrangements, intimate Job and stand witness to God. Realizing this, I didn’t feel that sad, nor was I bound by death.
To Be Continued …
Part Two:When She Got Advanced Intestinal Cancer and Truly Accepted This, She Witnessed God’s Almightiness (II)
