By Zhou Min, Germany
Whenever, at the break of dawn, I thought of my intention to buy a house, I could no longer sleep. I used to count, “10,000 yuan, 20,000 yuan, 30,000 yuan … I must work even harder to make money. Then I can lead a better life.” This was my greatest hope, and in order to have a good life I threw myself into earning money every day. Not until I fell ill did I have an awakening.
Because my family was poor in my childhood, we were looked down on by the other villagers. Every time I saw my parents being bullied by them, my heart felt as if it were being cut by a knife. So, I made up my mind: When I grew up, I’d do my very best to make money, and allow my parents to live a better life. After I got married, both my husband and I had low incomes. But, I firmly believed that I could certainly change my fate with my own two hands.
Afterward, my husband and I saw that some people we knew who ran passenger transportation businesses had gotten rich. So, in order to quickly fulfill our dream of living a better life, we borrowed money to buy a bus and started a transportation business. I went out early and returned late every day, and had no time to take care of our child. In addition, I didn’t eat regularly and couldn’t sleep properly at night. After a period of time, I had a nervous breakdown and stomach trouble. Nevertheless, I still dragged my exhausted body to work every day. But then, the government informed us that all old buses had to be replaced by new ones. This news made me bitterly disappointed, because I had no money to replace our old bus. I had no choice but to sell it and look for another way to make money.
Before long, I took a job as a booking clerk in a station. The more I worked, the more I would earn. In order to realize my dream sooner, I started to work at 6 a.m. and didn’t arrive home until 10 p.m. every day. During the Chinese New Year period I sometimes worked until dawn. As time passed, I suffered all kinds of new illnesses, such as cervical spondylosis, lumbar disease, frozen shoulder, anemia, gynecological problems, and so on. Every time I saw a doctor, I would ignore their advice, and go back to work in pain before I’d recovered. Later on, just when my husband and I planned to buy a house after we had made some money, my boss called me up and said, “The firm has to downsize by reducing the number of personnel. You don’t need to come back to work …” At that time, my husband also had no job. We could barely support our family, much less buy a house and live a good life. In the face of this setback I could no longer control myself, and I held my head as I cried loudly. I didn’t know what my future would hold.
Later, I got into direct marketing. I led a team in a direct marketing company and needed to have meetings and staff training every day. However, even after quite a while I was not making any real money. And due to being busy for a long time trying painstakingly to sell the products, I felt exhausted physically and mentally and suffered hellishly. I was confused about my life and my future, and at that time was in so much pain. I thought to myself, “People say that one can change one’s fate and build a beautiful home with one’s own two hands. But why can’t I change my fate even though I work very hard to make money? When will I be able to earn enough money to lead an aristocratic lifestyle?” I lost confidence and hope in my future, and didn’t know how to face life.
When I was most in agony, a new life dawned.
Just when I was at my most desperate, a relative of mine passed on God’s kingdom gospel to me. I read God’s words, “Humanity, having strayed from the Almighty’s provision of life, is ignorant of the purpose of existence, but fears death nonetheless. They are without help or support, yet still reluctant to close their eyes, and they steel themselves to drag out an ignoble existence in this world, sacks of flesh with no sense of their own souls. You live in this way, without hope, as do others, without aim. Only the Holy One of legend will save the people who, moaning in the midst of their suffering, long desperately for His arrival. So far, such belief has not been realized in those who lack consciousness. Nevertheless, the people still yearn for it so.” What God’s words revealed was exactly the state that I was in. Lacking the guidance of God’s words, I had always thought that the goal of life was to make a lot of money by myself. Therefore, in order to achieve my desire to elevate myself above others, I became just like a machine that operated at full speed. However, I not only didn’t make much money but also eventually got many illnesses. Years of bustling around caused me to feel so tired and unbearably miserable. God’s words were like a light in the darkness giving me hope. God became my rock, and only by coming before God and worshiping Him could I enjoy real peace and joy. I was willing to hand the rest of my life over to God and obey His control and arrangements.
In the days that followed, I was never absent from any of the church gatherings. Gradually, a smile appeared on my face and I began to take an optimistic view of my life. Soon after, I found a new job, earned some money, and bought a house.
I fell into another temptation.
Afterward, I changed my job and began to work as a salesperson selling wall paint. Each time I went to a construction site and saw how rich people’s houses were lavishly furnished, my heart would be unable to rest. I often thought, “When will I be able to have money so that I can furbish my house lavishly and comfortably like them?” From then on, I wracked my brains every day about how to make more money to refurnish my house, so that I was in no mood to read God’s words. After working all day, I was exhausted, and when I came back home I would fall asleep on the bed right away.
Then, one day when I was going to work, I suddenly fell to the floor and felt dizzy, as if the house were whirling. Moreover, I felt terribly uncomfortable and didn’t even have enough strength to breathe. I thought, “Will my life end like this? I have only lived in my new house for a short time, and I worked so hard to buy it.” I really wasn’t resigned to dying in such a way. But, at that moment, I could hardly breathe, much less did I have the strength to realize my dream. In that state of helplessness, all I could do was close my eyes and pray to God in silence, “O God, I’m in so much pain that I feel life is worse than death. May You save me.” After praying, I didn’t feel so dizzy, and so I stood up slowly.
Through the guidance of God’s words, I found the root of my suffering.
Later, I saw these words of God, “Because people do not recognize God’s orchestrations and God’s sovereignty, they always face fate defiantly and with a rebellious attitude, and they always want to cast off God’s authority and sovereignty and the things fate has in store, hoping in vain to change their current circumstances and alter their fate. But they can never succeed and are thwarted at every turn. This struggle, which takes place deep in one’s soul, brings profound pain of the sort that carves itself into one’s bones, as one fritters away their life all the while. … If people cannot truly recognize the fact that the Creator has sovereignty over human fate and over all human matters, if they cannot truly submit to the Creator’s dominion, then it will be difficult for them not to be driven and fettered by the idea that ‘one’s fate is in one’s own hands.’ It will be difficult for them to shake off the pain of their intense struggle against fate and the Creator’s authority, and, needless to say, it will also be hard for them to become truly liberated and free, to become people who worship God.”
From God’s words, I saw that because I was bound and poisoned by the idea of “building a beautiful home with your own two hands,” I thought that I could change my fate with my own two hands. So, I rushed about busily every day so as to earn more money to live a better life. But I only exhausted myself. In retrospect, when my husband and I ran our passenger transportation business, I was in a race against time every day. I was so busy that I had no time to look after our child. Because of the heavy workload I was left with many illnesses, but I still bore the pain and forced myself to continue working. When I worked as a booking clerk, I totally overloaded myself with work, as if I were a machine that never stopped. After I accepted the work of God, because I didn’t pursue the truth and thus had no discernment and knowledge about the satanic outlooks on life that controlled me, I still wanted to rely on my own hard work to get above others. I didn’t even read God’s words because I was so preoccupied with bustling around. Only when I fell to the floor and faced death that time did I realize all that I’d earned through working hard didn’t belong to me. It was really not worth it to risk my life for the sake of these things. Now, I didn’t want to continue living by Satan’s viewpoint and struggling to stay afloat in the money whirlpool.
I read another two passages of God’s words, “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite man always rushing and busying himself on his own behalf, he remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a created being?” “After you recognize this, your task is to lay aside your old view of life, stay far from various traps, let God take charge of your life and make arrangements for you; it is to try only to submit to God’s orchestrations and guidance, to live without individual choice, and to become a person who worships God.” God’s words pointed out a way of practice for me: If I want to cast off this pain, I must change my previous points of view and lay aside my old view of life. In the past, I fought against fate all the time through wanting to create a beautiful future with my own hands. However, reality showed that the more I lived by this view, the more misery I felt and the greater torment I suffered physically and mentally. Through God’s words, I realized how absurd and pitiable living with Satan’s poisons is, and I understood that God presides over and arranges human fate. How could I control or change my fate? What I should do was entrust my future and destiny to God’s hands, let Him hold sovereignty over every aspect of my life, and obey His designs and arrangements. Only by adopting the proper mentality and working and living normally could I live freely and without restraints.
After overcoming Satan’s temptation, I lived released from suffering and in freedom.
Some time after that, the marketing manager came to find me and said, “Why not lead a team? If your performance is good, you will earn enough to buy a car. And in the future, it’s very possible that you will be able to live in a villa.” I was tempted by what he said, but then I thought, “When I led a team in the past, I had to go to meetings and receive training every day. Sometimes, I couldn’t even return home at night, so I was unable to take care of my child. I tried my very best to sell the products, but only ended up physically and mentally exhausted. Moreover, now I’m not physically capable of doing hard work. If I continue working my fingers to the bone as I did before, I don’t know what the consequences will be.” So I quickly came in front of God and prayed. After praying, I thought of God’s words again, “After you recognize this, your task is to lay aside your old view of life, stay far from various traps, let God take charge of your life and make arrangements for you….” I thought, “Yes, I should let God rule and arrange my life, work, and future. Thinking back to the past, in order to make money I destroyed my health. I can’t go back to my old ways. Nowadays, although I don’t earn much money, my income is adequate to support my family, and, most importantly, my health has gradually improved recently because I haven’t been fighting tooth and nail to make money. After I started to believe in God, through attending meetings, reading God’s words, and singing hymns to praise God, I have experienced relief and freedom that I have never felt before.” When I thought of this, I decided to refuse the manager’s “good intentions.” Seeing how adamant I was, he didn’t try to persuade me any longer. At that time, I felt a steadiness and release from suffering I had never had before. I thank God for guiding me and allowing me to bid farewell to those days of struggling by myself.
